No More Shame

One month and a day, that’s how long it has been since I stood on the sweet little picturesque stage at the Colony of Mercy Chapel and received my diploma for graduating from the four month residential rehab program at America’s Keswick in Whiting, New Jersey. Affectionately known as BP or Barbara’s Place for women.

I’m one of the fortunate ones. I came home to a huge support group and lots of love. I’m not sure why they still love me, but they do. I certainly don’t deserve it, but they love me anyway.

One day I might write about all the things that happened in my addiction. But today I’m thinking about a goal I shared while I was still at BP. It was simple, my goal when I got home was to be present.

I am present, I am sober, I am loved… so why does it feel like I’m falling short. Why is there this little nagging voice saying, “it’s still not quite enough” or “you’re not quite enough”?

Two different friends asked me today how they could be praying for me.

My response: Pray for my mind and my thoughts, pray that I will take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. That I will remember who I am in Christ. That I will remember that I have an enemy and he is out to steal, kill, and destroy.

That discontent feeling is not from God, it’s from the enemy. The truth is I am not falling short. I AM DOING THE THING! I am doing exactly what I set out to do: my goal -To Be Present.

It’s been one month and one day since I graduated, I’ve been sober over five months. I am doing it, by God’s Grace I am victorious. One month, one day, one minute – I am present. It is a victory.