No More Shame

It’s been an emotional few days. I’m not sleeping well and I found myself telling God over and over; “I’m so sorry”. As again and again my memories are flooding me with all the terrible things I did while I was active in my addiction. The Lord knows I’m sorry, and I know that He has forgiven me. I’m righteous in my standing with Him. I can’t undo the past. I CAN by His Grace move forward and be a better person. I’m trying and I’m sober. I truly have no desire to drink. I don’t like these emotions, but drinking them away is not the solution. I’m looking for the purpose in the pain, but I’m also using up a lot of energy saying “I’m sorry” over and over and over and over….

In the middle of the night I just pleaded with the Lord, “Don’t give up on me”

that was my simple prayer. I have no witty answers or philosophical truths. I just know that I don’t want God to give up on me. He won’t. I know He won’t. He has proven His character to me time and time again.

The plea was for me, for myself; to express and expose my insecurities and low self-esteem.

God’s still working on me.

I’m working through trauma therapy and it’s a pain that I cannot describe with words. My shattered hope is trying to rise up and allow itself to be pieced back together. My Hope is in Jesus. All I know for sure is that when I open His Word I feel a peace and calmness that cannot be found in anything or anywhere else.

God will never give up on me, therefore I will not give up on myself. This healing journey is a process and as long as He is with me I can run this race, travel in this boat, and stroll along this shore; one scary moment at a time.