No More Shame

I was having a perfectly good day…. Enjoying my new sense of freedom and joy.

Then BAM….

I suddenly felt overwhelmed and frustrated. No one particular thing happened, just several small things, but it felt HUGE to my little emotions. There they were just sitting on the surface and I didn’t even know it. I’m still very fragile.

I wanted to run, kick, scream, and cry.

So I did…. I put the treadmill on the highest speed and ran (ha… this didn’t last too long). I am a runner, but I run more like a turtle.

I kicked a laundry basket (it was empty lol)

I did not scream but I might have raised my voice to the dog.

I got in the shower and I let myself cry.

When all was said and done, I sat down and opened my Bible and began to read and journal. Jesus brought me to Isaiah chapter 49 and reminded me that He never forgets me, in fact I am so important to Him that He has engraved me on the palms of His hands.

I used to boast that I just never cried, claimed that “I just don’t, can’t even”

That’s the old me, this new girl, she cries. Those tears bring healing and bring revelation to what is really going on inside. The truth is I’m raw – I’m fragile – I’m still struggling through trauma and overcoming all the damage of my addiction.

I’m gonna be okay, sometimes I just need to cry….. and that is O. K.

I am Blessed to be loved by God for just One. More. Day.